Social Butterfly Buzz Off

 I Need Some Grown Ass Advice

The following content is a situation that a GAWK reader has shared with us and one of our GAWKSTRESSES has given her advice.

I hang out with a group of couples that have hung out since college. We have a girl in the group whom we have stepped to her about her flirtatious behavior. She often pets, brushes up against and winks at our men. Her boyfriend says she is a social butterfly and he is not bothered by it.

Our guys say they are not bothered by it, that is just how she is. We want her to STOP the THOT behavior. We don't want to stop inviting her to things and only invite her boyfriend. What else can we say or do to get our point across?

What Do I Do?

Dear Leader of Team Stop the THOT,

Understandably this young girl seems to pose a threat to the group if the other females feel she is crossing the line.  Honestly if the other ladies have approached her (hopefully gently) about her behavior and it has not changed, she does not value your opinion.  Behavior only continues if it is reinforced and in this case her actions are reinforced by the men in the group. They are seemingly enjoying the attention and discount the disruptive behavior.  At this point it will take a MAN to tell her that she is being inappropriate and not to flit her wings in his direction. Furthermore, if she is that flirtatious her boyfriend, as liberal as he claims to be, may not keep her around much longer as his plus one.

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My favorite quote from the brilliant Audre Lorde says, ” If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” I love this quote because anyone who knows me knows that I truly dance to the beat of my own drum and play by my own rules. I can’t imagine living by someone else’s definition of me, that wouldn’t be fun at all. After all, isn’t having fun one of the main reasons for living?

I have been on this earth for 43 years and have been through a few wars. When I share my story with people, they are amazed that I am still standing and still sane. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself, but sanity is a matter of perspective. How sane can one really be when they prefer to refer to oneself in 3rd person?? All I know is, but for the grace of God, I am still standing. I have a wonderful support network of friends and family who have held me up when I felt like I couldn’t do it myself. Now here I am, 43 years old, divorced and two years from becoming an empty nester.  Life is just beginning for me.

I chose to blog as Ms. Kiesha and Dr .Kiesha 2U because much like the characters in Robert Louis Stevenson’s  “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, I am not two separate personalities living in the same body.  I am one person who allows her alter ego, Ms. Kiesha, to unapologetically be who she is.

I hope my readers will enjoy getting to know me through blogging as I begin to open up and share my journey from Ms. Kiesha to Dr. Kiesha 2U.

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